I remember one of the first experiences I had at an Arab’s home while I was living in Amman Jordan. We were new to the neighborhood and my landlord invited me and my husband to their home me speaking limited Arabic and them speaking limited English were so gracious. As I was at one of my landlord’s house we talked about different views. Arabs are very good about being blunt with their questions, which in many ways I appreciate. Instead of having to guess what they are thinking they just tell me. I was having a splendid time. They stuffed me with food, gave me gifts. They wanted nothing but for my husband and me to feel welcome. To show us true kindness and generosity. Values much upheld by the Muslim faith. At one point in our conversation the father of the household in his broken English said, “Saddam Hussein was a gentle man, I like Saddam Hussein.” He had been to school in Iraq during the reign of Saddam Hussein. I felt my stomach clench up and I became nervous. I looked at my husband whose father was a Marine in both of the wars in Iraq. The man then proceeded to ask with a smile, “do you know Saddam Hussein?” to which his daughter cut in, “oh course they do, they killed him.” It was awkward for me. The subject was changed and they continued to feed us and make us feel as welcome as possible. I felt off the rest of the night. All of the sudden I didn’t like going back to their home despite how kind they were to me. I didn’t ever feel in danger or unsafe. I was very confused by how I felt. I wanted to dislike the entire family, which in my mind I knew was stupid despite how I felt.
In many ways you could consider this culture shock but I think it is something we experience so much in many situations. For example as a religious person often I meet people who disagree with my viewpoints, or with my political ideologies. How many people do we know that just think that the opposite viewpoint is just wrong. Or as one girl I met said, “Obama is Satan.”
Being able to entertain multiple ideas at once is considered a sign of intelligence. However like so many other things in this world that takes practice. Once I took the time to think about what I was feeling that night at my neighbors I realized, no I don’t agree that Saddam Hussein was a gentle man but I think my neighbors are good people and are my friends. In fact his opinion of Saddam Hussein may be more valid than mine since he lived under his reign and in Iraq for a period of time. I, on the other hand, only know of what I heard in the news and school. I think so often other people’s opinions and ideas put us off. That is fine we all have the right to those opinions. However it is so much easier to label the entire person as bad or good instead of acknowledging that we don’t like that aspect of the person, but like us they are complex human beings with many different aspects.
We can agree to disagree. For example I can disagree with your political ideologies and you can disagree with mine, but that’s okay we can respect each other, and come to understand one another even if we never agree. Heck, we can even be great friends. There are people that do things that my religious ideology would consider a sin, but it doesn’t mean I am perfect or that the person is evil. I can be their friend, disagree with their lifestyle and move on. I can love them, care for them and accept them and not agree with everything.
If we can accept people as complex beings with many different aspects, entertain the idea to not agree with everything but respect the person. We don’t have to agree, be the same, or even like everything about the other person. Chances are they feel the same about you. But we can learn to not generalize people off of one thing, to respect others opinions. Many of the greatest friendships in history were people who had contrary opinions, but because of that they learned so much and were much more successful. We can all learn about one another, to work together, and to love each other.
