Drained.

Lately, I have noticed how much certain people can drain everything out of you.


If you don't cut the wrong people out of your life, they will bring negativity and pain. It is very important to keep only who really matters in your life. You shouldn't have to bicker 24/7 with someone over your choices in life. Honestly, you don't have to please everyone. Your family, close friends, significant other should be the ones that bring light into your life.

Sometimes we let people that do us no good stay in our lives, because we don't want to go through the trouble in cutting them out. There is nothing wrong with doing that! It is so much healthier to eliminate them and also a huge burden is lifted. I particularly find it difficult to cut people out because I am too nice. There are different ways that you can close a relationship without causing any pain. Simply block them out by no communication entirely and removing them from all social media.

Too often do many worry that others opinions control their lives, but this should never be the case.  I am still learning to not care what others have to say and keep a positive attitude. No one should ever have control over your life and bring any extra stress that you don't need!


I hope that you take the time to look at those who are surrounding you, and that they only bring joy to you. Everyone is fighting their own battles and finding their way in their lives. That is why you should choose people that will support your decisions unconditionally.

Critical Thinking and its Importance, by Kendra Millerd

     I remember one of the first experiences I had at an Arab’s home while I was living in Amman Jordan. We were new to the neighborhood and my landlord invited me and my husband to their home me speaking limited Arabic and them speaking limited English were so gracious. As I was at one of my landlord’s house we talked about different views. Arabs are very good about being blunt with their questions, which in many ways I appreciate. Instead of having to guess what they are thinking they just tell me. I was having a splendid time. They stuffed me with food, gave me gifts. They wanted nothing but for my husband and me to feel welcome. To show us true kindness and generosity. Values much upheld by the Muslim faith. At one point in our conversation the father of the household in his broken English said, “Saddam Hussein was a gentle man, I like Saddam Hussein.” He had been to school in Iraq during the reign of Saddam Hussein. I felt my stomach clench up and I became nervous. I looked at my husband whose father was a Marine in both of the wars in Iraq. The man then proceeded to ask with a smile, “do you know Saddam Hussein?” to which his daughter cut in, “oh course they do, they killed him.” It was awkward for me. The subject was changed and they continued to feed us and make us feel as welcome as possible. I felt off the rest of the night.  All of the sudden I didn’t like going back to their home despite how kind they were to me. I didn’t ever feel in danger or unsafe. I was very confused by how I felt. I wanted to dislike the entire family, which in my mind I knew was stupid despite how I felt. 

     In many ways you could consider this culture shock but I think it is something we experience so much in many situations. For example as a religious person often I meet people who disagree with my viewpoints, or with my political ideologies. How many people do we know that just think that the opposite viewpoint is just wrong. Or as one girl I met said, “Obama is Satan.” 

     Being able to entertain multiple ideas at once is considered a sign of intelligence. However like so many other things in this world that takes practice. Once I took the time to think about what I was feeling that night at my neighbors I realized, no I don’t agree that Saddam Hussein was a gentle man but I think my neighbors are good people and are my friends. In fact his opinion of Saddam Hussein may be more valid than mine since he lived under his reign and in Iraq for a period of time.  I, on the other hand, only know of what I heard in the news and school. I think so often other people’s opinions and ideas put us off. That is fine we all have the right to those opinions. However it is so much easier to label the entire person as bad or good instead of acknowledging that we don’t like that aspect of the person, but like us they are complex human beings with many different aspects. 

     We can agree to disagree. For example I can disagree with your political ideologies and you can disagree with mine, but that’s okay we can respect each other, and come to understand one another even if we never agree.  Heck, we can even be great friends. There are people that do things that my religious ideology would consider a sin, but it doesn’t mean I am perfect or that the person is evil. I can be their friend, disagree with their lifestyle and move on. I can love them, care for them and accept them and not agree with everything. 

     If we can accept people as complex beings with many different aspects, entertain the idea to not agree with everything but respect the person. We don’t have to agree, be the same, or even like everything about the other person. Chances are they feel the same about you. But we can learn to not generalize people off of one thing, to respect others opinions. Many of the greatest friendships in history were people who had contrary opinions, but because of that they learned so much and were much more successful. We can all learn about one another, to work together, and to love each other. 

Calming Down.

For those that seek peace in your day, and need to take a breather, I find meditation to be extremely helpful and insightful for me.  It helps me collect myself and enjoy the moment of life that I am in.

I found this cool website called Calm.com that offers a great virtual atmosphere for meditation.

On Pessimism and Optimism: Throwing the Cup Away

I recently read this article from Elite Daily called "5 Quotes from Billionaire Mark Cuban That Will Inspire You to Work Your Ass Off" (good article, you can check it out here).  I loved all the quotes:

"Work like there is someone working 24 hours away to take it away from you."

"It's not in the dreaming, it's in the doing."

"Doesn't matter if the glass is half-empty or half-full.  All that matters is that you are the one pouring the water."

"Wherever I see people doing something the way it's always been done, the way it's 'supposed' to be done, following the same old trends, well, that's just a big red flag to me to go look somewhere else."

"Every no gets me closer to a yes."


The quote that especially caught my attention is "Doesn't matter if the glass is half-empty or half-full.  All that matters is that you are the one pouring the water."

Wow.  What a powerful concept.

No matter what, you're in control of yourself.  You control if you want to see things in one light or another.  And most importantly, you choose how much water you're pouring in.  As we go through trials throughout life, whether in the professional field or general life, we still have the power to control our emotions, decisions, and outlooks, and how much that will control us.  We still pour the water.

I think I'd rather throw the glass of water away completely, and focus on life instead.  To focus on that thrill of something new every second, no matter how it manifests itself.

Forgiveness.

Lately I've been able to reflect on situations that I have always had a hard time letting go of. It has been difficult to forgive myself for mistakes that I cannot change. 

We shouldn't have to beat ourselves up over something that already has happened. All that we can do is remember that it taught us a lesson and we can still become a better person from it. This also means that if we are going to forgive ourselves, that we should also forgive those who have done us wrong. 

How do you start forgiving yourself? Many have already found ways to do this, but then there are others like me who still struggle with it. I have discovered that the best way to start forgiving yourself is to look at your current situation. Are there any relationships you can fix? Are you currently making yourself feel worse by not closing wounds? These are some questions you can ask yourself and have found to be helpful. I truly believed that when I screwed up, it was never going to be fixed. I only thought this because I was afraid of losing others and knew how much I had hurt them. These mistakes would eat at me for years until I realized that some of these people were actually making it worse. Sometimes we must close these relationships and focus on what is healthier for ourselves. Our mistakes should never make us feel worse, but be a wake up call to understand that we are human and being imperfect is beautiful. That is why forgiveness can be challenging, because you think that you deserve that pain you brought to someone else. No one deserves pain, but they should see it as something that can make them stronger than before. 

Although we may be worrying about other peoples feelings, we should definitely be looking at our own first. Time does heal wounds and we will lose people along the way, but we want to forgive ourselves to move on with our lives and see the happiness we can gain from it right? I sometimes have been far too forgiving to others when I should have been more forgiving to myself. The delightful thing about being human is to figure out how to cope with these obstacles and once you overcome them, you feel free. I slowly have been forgiving myself for mistakes a have recently made. I can live happier now knowing I am forgiving myself for those I have hurt, and forgiving those who have hurt me. I would never be where I am today if I didn't.

-Alejandra Saunders 

5 Signs You're in a Highly Sacred Relationship by Mind.Body.Green

There is an abundant amount of articles on relationships pertaining to dating out there, but I really liked this one because I think these 5 signs are important whether you are dating, in a friendship, work relationship, or in a father-son relationship.

The 5 signs are:
1) You can be yourself.
2) You maintain individuality.
3) You have a mutual desire for personal evolution.
4) You "hold space" for each other.
5) You're peaceful.

Check it out in detail if you have time:

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12739/5-signs-youre-in-a-highly-sacred-relationship.html 

Swallowed in the Sea

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to just want to give up, because you can? How easy it is to be swallowed up by temporary emotions and not fixing it?

Stop.

I love this quote so much, because it has gotten me through the most. Although being positive can be a struggle, it is not impossible to achieve. 

I have severe anxiety, and for the longest time I let it eat at me till all of me became this negative person who forgot who she was. I thought that I should take my own life because easy is always better right? Wrong. The word easy should not be in your vocabulary. Strong. Hard-working. Stands up after a fall. Those are words a person should think of in themselves. As humans, we are capable of so much and yet we can't see it. We decide to stick to the basics and not challenge ourselves. You can't just assume that positive thoughts will be handed to you. It starts with the little things like quotes. Your favorite songs, and family and friends. Surround yourself with goal-oriented people who will push you out of any hole. 

I'll tell you one thing though, despite being as positive as I am... there are always days where my anxiety wants to take over. I over think and I'll just sit there for hours worrying about literally nothing. Some of you may experience it, and I'm here to tell you it's okay! We need to get it out of our system, but always stay busy. Start reading, go for a hike, and even write it all out. Exercise has been such a helpful tool in becoming more positive. Even if it just walking to the mailbox! At least you did it :)

I do have a big secret as to how I stay positive: Laughter

You are probably thinking that that's strange because how can you just laugh all the time? Oh but you can! I suggest you start doing it since it is extremely healthy and should pass it on to others. I am always making plenty of jokes and carrying out happiness by just laughing. I find it so enjoyable and refreshing. Of course, don't laugh in the middle of an important meeting but sit tall and know you are a wonderful human being!

You are the only one who chooses what thoughts are worth making your day. Choose positive over anything else and watch changes occur :)

Yours Truly,

Alejandra Saunders

                                                      

On Fire and Ice.

The Fire

I think a lot of us have a passion, or passions, in life.  Because there is something that keeps us going.

And many of us are blessed, whether we realize it or not.  Maybe we have food and water.  A bed.  Time.  A chance.  Maybe we are simply alive today.

So if I am blessed, and I have a passion, and opportunity, I should want to hop out of bed every morning, right??

Maybe not.

The Ice 

I hit a point for quite a while where I had great goals, but when I had to put a foot forward to start my journey, I froze, for several reasons.  Some of which were...

Overwhelming.

It's overwhelming to think of accomplishing our goals sometimes!  Here is a common goal I think a lot of us have tried to achieve at one point or another - weight loss.  We often don't want to lose just 1 or 5 pounds, but 20!  30!  And that's thousands of calories!  And hours of time!  And days - weeks - months.

So when the future comes in to our minds, so does the lethargy - don't get out of bed, don't cook for yourself, don't work out.

There is obviously a mental ice block we need to overcome.  We believe we are failures if we deviate from the weight loss plan for a meal.  Or a day.  Or don't see results.  Or try to live up to unrealistic expectations.  It's so important to focus on the moment.  Living in the moment can calm down this anxiety immensely.  We can enjoy our food, value our food.  Feel the strain on our muscles.  Become excited to get up in the morning a bit earlier than we did before.  We can see the value of the small step in the day as opposed to the entire walk.


Security.

You may not want to be there, but there is something secure in your current state.  It is sustainable.  It is predictable.  In this current state, you know how to get by.  Another example of a passion waiting to be fulfilled is applying for a job.  Suddenly we have to face possible acceptance, possible rejection.  We have to be willing to be appraised by our ability to fulfill the position requirements more than someone else is.

Take a deep breath and dive in.  It's the moments that you take a chance that are worth living.  It's the chances we take that give us victories and losses to remember and learn from.  And the glass is always half full - even if you don't get one job, you can learn how to prepare better for a future interview, how to gain experience to be better qualified for a job, or find a job that better fits your current resume.  Again, it is a step forward, towards change.


If we ever want to realize our passions, we need to find ways to put that first foot forward, and the one after it.  And value the journey, not the goal.  Because there is just as much beauty in an everyday accomplishment as there is in attaining the main objective.

A Safe Space.

I hope that this blog serves as a space for us to grow together.  To address our fears, our inhibitions, our pain.

We each have so much potential that deserves to be realized.  Maybe one day we need some humor.  Maybe one day we need a swift kick to the butt.  And other days, maybe we need to simply learn from each other.

The clock is always ticking...

So let's start the adventure!